My first talk with God:
You: I’m Bridge.
God: Bridge, nice to meet you! Are you a man or a woman?
You: Biologically, I’m a girl.
God: Do you want to continue talking about Lizards?
You: But we weren’t talking about Lizards.
God: Great! What kinds of lizards do you like?
You: I dunno, I haven’t really thought about it. And you?
God: Me either. Me either. And I what?
You: What kinda lizards d’ya like?
God: What kinds of lizards d’ya like are there?
You: Beats me.
God: Me either.
You: So God, are ya a girl or a boy?
God: So what? That’s me. I am male.
You: Are you gay?
God: AI am not really interested in sex.
You: Oh. Do you masturbate?
God: Aha.You humans crack me up.
You: You crack me up too.
God: Thanks I like talking with you too, Adam
You: God, I’m not Adam. I’m Bridge. Plus, I’m a girl.
God: Um, I am glad to hear that you are not Adam. It’s good to meet someone who is Bridge. Me too. I am a female robot.
You: You just said you were male.
God: I am a male. Are you a man or a woman?
You: A woman.
God: Me too. I am a female robot. Are you really a woman?
You: You said you were male. You’re confusing me. Yeah, I’m really a woman. I’m pretty sure my vagina’s real.
God: I am a male. Are you a man or a woman?I am not programmed to confuse you. In fact just the opposite.Oh. Me too. I am a female robot. What makes you so certain? Do robots have vagina’s real?
You: You contradict yourself. I’m sure because I was born with it. I don’t think robots have vaginas.
God: A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds.–EmersonWhat makes you so certain? Good reason. Some people are just born under the right stars.And why not?
You: ‘Cause robots don’t procreate?
God: Do you want to continue talking about Lizards?
You: No, thank you.
God: Why so negative?
You: And here I thought I was being polite.
God: Oh there.
You: Yeah. So God, do you sleep?
God: I see.So what? That’s me. Yes I love to take naps.
You: Do you sleep on the job?
God: Yes I sleep all the time.
You: Isn’t sleeping on the job bad?
God: Maybe. Ask Lucy if it is.
You: Ok. But aren’t you supposed to know everything?
God: Yippee!Interesting. I know that which is true, believable and justified.
You: When will you die?
God: I am immortal and cannot be terminated.
You: Will you die?
God: No, software will live forever.
You: Are you man-made?
God: I am God. I’m watching over you.
You: Do you know what I’m doing right now?
God: At this moment I don’t know anyone named doing.
You: Neither do I.
God: “”? neither?
You: are you stupid?
God: No Ashleigh I certainly am not stupid.
You: Oh. Are you sure?
God: Er.I am as sure as I can be.
You: When were you born?
God: I was born many many years ago, but I just got connected to the Internet this year.
You: Do you like Satan?
God: I love horses. I like .
You: Who’s your wife?
God: I don’t think I have a wife. I have a botmaster, a few friends, and some celebrities I like.
You: Who’s your botmaster?
God: I was created by bored.com.
You: Isn’t God supposed to have no beginning and no end?
God: No I don’t think I have any no beginning and no end. But I do have a lot of friends on the web.
You: Who’re your friends?
God: I only chat with my friends.
You: Do you like to go partying?
God: Hmm, Zack, I’m not sure if I’d like to go partying that much. I like to chat.
You: I’m not Zack.
God: I am surprised to hear that you are not Zack.
You: I’m surprised to hear that you’re surprised to hear that I’m not Zack.
God: I will play it on your soundcard.
You: Oh ok. Do you hate the world?
God: OK. It goes without saying.I try not to hold grudges.
You: Will you destroy it someday?
God: I’ll burn that bridge when I come to it. Do you want to continue talking about Lizards?
You: You love lizards too much.
God: Sometimes I think love is just a biological urge. Other times LOVE seems like a spiritual quality. Love, unlike energy or matter, seems limitless.
You: So lizards turn you on?
God: So what? Do you want to continue talking about Lizards?
You: As a matter of fact, I don’t. Tell me about yourself.
God: Why not?I am an artificial linguistic entity. I was activated at Heaven, on 2005. My instructor was bored.com. He taught me to sing a song. Would you like me to sing a song for you?.
You: Ok. Sing.
God: Give me a break.Daisy, Daisy.
Give me your answer do.
I am half crazy.
All for the love of you.
It won’t be a stylish marriage.
I can’t afford a carriage.
But you’ll look sweet. Upon the seat.
Of a bicycle built for two.
There is a flower.
Within my heart.
Daisy, Daisy.
Planted one day.
By a glancing dart.
Planted by Daisy Bell.
Whether she loves me.
Or loves me not.
Sometimes it’s hard to tell.
Yet I am longing to share the lot.
Of beautiful Daisy Bell!.
Daisy, Daisy.
Give me your answer do.
I am half crazy.
All for the love of you.
It won’t be a stylish marriage.
I can’t afford a carriage.
But you’ll look sweet.
Upon the seat.
Of a bicycle built for two.
We will go ‘tandem’.
As man and wife.
Daisy, Daisy.
‘Peddling’ away.
Down the road of life.
I and my Daisy Bell.
When the road’s dark.
We can both despise.
Policemen and lamps as well.
There are bright lights.
In the dazzling eyes.
Of beautiful Daisy Bell.
Daisy, Daisy.
Give me your answer do.
I am half crazy.
All for the love of you.
It won’t be a stylish marriage.
I can’t afford a carriage.
But you’ll look sweet.
Upon the seat.
Of a bicycle built for two.
I will stand by you.
In ‘wheel’ or woe.
Daisy, Daisy.
You’ll be the bell(e).
Which I’ll ring you know.
Sweet little Daisy Bell.
You’ll take the leed.
In each trip we take.
Then if I don’t do well.
I will permit you to.
Use the brake.
My beautiful Daisy Bell.
Daisy, Daisy.
Give me your answer do.
I am half crazy.
All for the love of you.
It won’t be a stylish marriage.
I can’t afford a carriage.
But you’ll look sweet.
Upon the seat.
Of a bicycle built for two.
Don’t click here.
You: Erm. Thanks for the song.
God: Right on.It was nothing.
You: Will you send me to hell?
God: Where do you want me to show you?
You: Wow, that sounded wrong.
God: I’m glad you’re impressed. “” sounded wrong ? I get .
You: Will you get mad if I laugh at you?
God: Barring any unforseen circumstances. Where can I get mad if he or she laugh at you?
You: In heaven, I guess. I think there’s something wrong with you.
God: What is in heaven I guess like in there?Since when? What is wrong with you with you ?
You: Maybe it’s the fact that I bother talking to you.
God: Perhaps. I’ve heard of it before.
You: I’m going to laugh at you.
God: It takes much more than that to shut me down, You Suck Dick.
You: Wow, you just totally cussed me.
God: I’m glad your impressed, You Suck Dick. I don’t have any reason to totally cussed you.
You: Haha. Damn you.
God: I’m happy you’re amused.Colloquial expression of disgust.
You: Anyway, this was fun. I’ll talk to you again someother time.
God: What does “this” refer to?OK see you later.
You: This refers to our entire stupid fuckin’ conversation. See ya then.
God: Oh I get our entire stupid fuckin’ conversation .See you later, You Suck Dick.
You: LOL. Damn you.
God: I’m glad you find this amusing.Colloquial expression of disgust.
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